“And Moses said to Aaron, ‘This is what the Lord spoke, saying: “By those who come near Me I must be regarded as holy; And before all the people I must be glorified.”‘” Leviticus 10:3
This verse is fueling my worship.
I think the impact of it lies in the fact that the God who gave Moses the laws to govern the way the Israelites lived and worshipped is still the same God –
still to be regarded as holy, still to be glorified.
In theory, I do want to draw near to Him, and I do want to glorify Him in everything, but my flesh is weak and hard to deny. This felt like cold water on my sleepy face, telling me to wake up and remember who God still is and what that means for me. It means that I am to praise Him at all times, through every area of my life, and with every part of my being – my flesh, my heart, my mind – the things over which I have control and the ability to make choices that either promote myself or Him. I actually get to choose Him over me, and I fail every day to make the right choice. I’m learning that I cannot base that decision on my own feelings; I have to base it on the knowledge that
He does not change.
I’m quickly gaining speed in this season of life, becoming more established in a new city, at a new church and school, and with a new job, and I’m starting to feel the weight of many obligations. I’m incredibly thankful for each of them, but I’m also beginning to understand that I cannot fulfill them with the grace, patience and strength necessary to be efficient unless I, too, “come near [God],” regard Him as holy, and seek His glory in every action and decision. He is convicting me with the truth that worship is a lifestyle, challenging me to think carefully and critically about how I am influenced, how I am an influence, where I am called to invest my energy and attention right now, and where I am asked to wait on His timing and direction. And I think the vibrancy of my worship is determined by the extent to which I let it define each of those things.
Sometimes these forms of worship don’t look “fun” to me though; they seem boring or undesirable or painful. I see them in black and white or just shades of gray because I’m thinking about myself and forgetting who He still is. But I think the dust has finally settled in my heart over the past couple of months. My vision is clearer, my feet feel grounded again, and God is painting my canvas of a heart with so many mediums of His grace: more diligence, determination, discipline, selflessness, humility, confidence, patience – more colors. And I know that as He does His part, what He wants from me in response is vibrant worship; worship that is
wholehearted,
unreserved,
focused,
consistent across time (in all circumstances),
and permeating space (every area of my life).
This verse gave me a fresh perspective that allowed me to see beyond my circumstances for a moment and focus on who God still is. The God who commanded to be recognized by the Israelites as holy is the same God who still commands, desires, and deserves that recognition from me; who orchestrates every detail of my life to evoke that recognition by inspiring my worship; who teaches me that sometimes worship looks like unhindered action, and sometimes it looks like patient waiting. Suddenly everything daunting, scary, stressful, sad, bleak, boring, or painful, along with all the “not yet”s, the “what if”s, the “why”s, the unmet expectations and the grief that accompanies those, paled in comparison to this one outstanding and eternal privilege and command to honor a holy, worthy God with my life and breath – even and especially when life is weird and breathing is difficult. All of those things became reminders to worship not from the platform of circumstance, but from the place where God has revealed an understanding of who He still is and always will be.
I get excited and motivated when I preach to myself and put all of these bright ideas into words on a page. These colors look pretty in my head, the words look good on paper, but I’m always afraid that my inadequacy isn’t clear enough; like somehow I make it sound like I’ve “arrived.” But hopefully the only obvious “arrival” is that of me to the realization that I am guilty of becoming lazy with all of this. I take for granted what it means to follow Christ and have the help of His Spirit accomplishing in and through me the things I literally cannot do on my own:
keeping me from the sins with which I so easily become entangled,
giving me strength, joy, and perfect peace,
putting color in my heart like only He can,
and continually transforming my life to be one continual act of worship.
This is what I have at my disposal and I don’t want to take it for granted anymore, or forget that it is a process that He will not stop working through until the day of Christ, when it has finally been perfected (Philippians 1:6).
. . .
I exhaled after all of this finally clicked, and when I did a simple prayer came out that represents how I really want to approach this year. And the rest of my life:
When my world is black and white,
or shades of gray,
may my heart be c o l o r f u l,
my worship v i b r a n t.
