I chose this title because I want it to be obvious that no part of what I’m sharing can be attributed to any of my own efforts, decisions, or judgements apart from the Lord’s guidance and sovereignty. At the end of the day, in His goodness, God used every sharp turn or bump in the road to accomplish His greater purposes – to teach us both very valuable lessons that made us stronger and better as individuals when we were apart, and to eventually bring us back together.
I also chose this title to emphasize that had I written the story myself, it would have looked a lot different. I see now that that’s not only not a bad thing, it’s a very, very good thing. If it had been entirely up to me, I would have been married for approximately six years by now, have a minimum of two children, a dog and a house, and a husband who is probably a pastor. I think I subconsciously conceptualized my romantic life up to this point as something that I could predict and plan down to the detail; something that I had figured out in my head and was waiting to materialize in front of me according to exactly what I had envisioned. It’s comical now, not because an alternative life such that I have described isn’t a beautiful dream, but because reality ended up being so drastically different from that and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve come to learn that with anything (but especially the things that are most important to me) the results are infinitely better when I let God hold the pen of my life and turn the pages of my story as He wishes. Any attempts to do it myself end with me inevitably folding corners to re-read previous chapters unnecessarily, or ripping the edges in my haste to “skip this one” and move on to the next. So, welcome to the story I didn’t write that happens to be my favorite one to tell.
Chapter 1: The Introduction
Jon and I met on June 30th, 2022, at a christian dating mixer in San Diego called “If You Know You Know” (IYKYK). He was one of the first guys to show up and as soon as I saw him I knew it would take the rest of the evening for me to build up enough courage to talk to him. After a couple of hours spent talking to other people in the name of “human bingo,” and eyeballing each other in-between conversations, we finally met at the very end of the night when I decided to make the first move 😉 and introduced myself. Jon would add that is significant because one of his prayers going into the night was that if his future wife was there, she would be the one to initiate conversation with him. Alas, I was apparently the only one who did. We chatted for maybe five minutes and it was just long enough for all of my “I will never date a military guy” determinations to fly out the window. It was quickly replaced by a calm curiosity about how someone so intimidatingly attractive could make such a humble, comfortable, and joyful first impression. Jon slipped me a tiny piece of paper with his phone number on it, I texted him the next morning, and we went on our first date that night.
He was bold, up front, and not out to waste either of our time. He asked hard and good questions and with each one I could tell he was someone who knew exactly what he was looking for, which was exactly what I was looking for. He was respectful and chivalrous and I was positively giddy. We talked about everything under the sun with perfect ease for 3+ hours.
That date turned into two more over the span of that Fourth of July weekend. Before I knew it, we were two weeks in, I had met almost his whole family, and we had decided we wanted to commit to a relationship and see what God would do with it.
Chapter 2: The Breakups
Two blissful months passed and then I blindsided him and we broke up for about a month at the end of September. Jon wasn’t taking no for an answer and determined he was still going to relentlessly (and respectfully) pursue my heart. Cue: the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I’ve literally ever seen to this day sent to my doorstep, and a series of handwritten letters mailed to me on a weekly basis (I’m sorry… are you kidding?!). We both spent a lot of time in prayer during those weeks and I eventually realized I had made the decision to run away out of fear and didn’t quite give this relationship the chance it deserved.
The end of October 2022 was a fresh start. I had a brand new mindset and sense of excitement and Jon and I continued to date for about eight more months, most of which were long-distance. Jon was living up in the desert from November to April and then left on a six month deployment. In June of 2023, I once again succumbed to the fresh batch of mounting anxiety I had been dealing with and broke up with him for a second time. This time “for good.” I didn’t have an explanation other than that I felt unsettled, I was desperate for peace, and I thought that breaking up was the solution. I didn’t have many concrete reasons as to why I was so anxious and putting pressure on myself to figure out what I wanted, but it was tearing me apart. I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to feel the way I did, and I wasn’t the person I wanted to be for Jon because of it. He was ready for a life together and I couldn’t figure out why I just wasn’t there yet.
Chapter 3: The Regrets
Fast forward through a few very difficult and formative months. Jon and I reached out to each other sporadically in an effort to check in and/or see if anything had changed, but we always seemed to put in that effort at the wrong time for the other person. We both ended up dating other people, but the interesting thing is that those very efforts to move on were catalysts God used to redirect us back to each other. We both admitted later that trying to invest in someone else was difficult. We each felt we had set the bar high in the dating scene, and spending time with someone else only made the ache for each other that much stronger.
Speaking for myself, it took those six months apart for me to realize that Jon was and is my best friend and that I absolutely could not live the rest of my life without him. His absence and the questions of “what is going on?” and “what did I do?” began to feel heavier with each day, especially as his October return date drew closer. I don’t remember the last time I missed someone as much as I missed him towards the end of those six months. I spent weeks talking through my thoughts and feelings with close friends and family over and over. I began to pray ceaselessly that God would redeem everything and somehow bring us back together if it was meant to be; if this wasn’t just me spiraling into a black hole of grief. I journaled ferociously for about two months, things like “this feels unfinished,” “I don’t understand why this feels so unfinished,” “I want closure for both of us,” “God, if you’re not finished yet, bring us back together.” I had no expectations other than for God to move and answer my prayers in one obvious way or another. I knew that because I was emotional and had been conflicted for so long, it wouldn’t be wise to initiate contact with Jon again, after everything I had put him through. I promised myself that I would not reach out and instead I pleaded with God, “Please bring him back to me if you want us together. I’m not touching this ever again.” I thought that was a big ask, considering I’m the one who left. Twice! But that was the only way I knew to actively put my trust in God’s sovereignty over my own emotions at that point. And I knew that if that prayer was answered, then my missing him truly did hold significance beyond just sadness.
Chapter 4: The Surprises
November 12th my phone buzzed and to my utter shock it was Jon, just checking in and letting me know he’s back in San Diego. My response included something along the lines of “I’m surprised you want anything to do with me at this point”, to which he said – and I quote – “It still feels unfinished.” If you’re wondering, yes, I did in fact go back through my journal and highlight all the times in the past two months I had used that specific word in either a prayer or just a desperate need to scribble my persistent thoughts on paper.
I knew it. God’s not done yet.
We talked on the phone for over an hour the next day. We spoke candidly and with ease yet again, as if nothing ever happened. We picked up right where we left off, as best friends do, and swapped honest stories about what the past six months had held: dates we had been on, thoughts we had about each other, conversations with God and other people. Jon left the ball in my court so I suggested we meet in person to further “break the ice.”
Twenty minutes into our conversation the only thing I could think as I looked at him across the table – the man I had drug through the proverbial mud of my emotional turmoil; the man who had been nothing but patient, steady, persistent, respectful, and loving since the day I met him; the man who I now realized is the only man who had ever truly earned my heart – was “wow, I love him.”
An hour together came to a close and Jon asked me, “so what is it that you want?” My honest answer was that I still loved him. I tearfully told him he was still my best friend; that I couldn’t close my eyes and imagine a future without him in it, nor did I want to; that I couldn’t pray for my future husband without immediately picturing him and missing everything about him; and that I also understood that I made a very hurtful decision a few months ago that I might just have to live with.
He said “okay” in a very calm, collected, thoughtful and stoic kind of way that left me wondering what was going to happen next. He walked me to my car, we determined we’d have lunch the next day, we hugged goodbye, and then, as if not enough shocking things had transpired already, he kissed me. And then sweetly admitted to me how much he had missed me over the last six months, too.
Chapter 5: The Redemption
And the rest, my friends, is pretty much history. Jon and I both agreed that we were either in or out for the long haul this time. We jumped right back into dating and by God’s grace, there has been nothing but confidence, peace, and excitement about planning and preparing for a life together ever since.
Jon proposed to me, yet again to my surprise (he’s good at that, isn’t he??), on December 22nd on Coronado Island – my favorite place in the world and the site of some of our fondest dating memories. It’s been a whirlwind, to put it lightly, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Chapter 6: The Future
It’s about to be a wild ride. Although I never pictured or wanted anything to do with the military, I want everything to do with Jonathan Wheeler, so here we are. 😉 I am truly flabbergasted at how much God has changed my heart, despite lingering fears that I’m still learning how to manage. I have newfound excitement about embracing this as a new part of my life as a wife. Ultimately, it’s just not about me and it never was. Now, rather than focusing on how different it is from what I thought I wanted, I find myself so thankful that I get to be Jon’s biggest cheerleader and supporter, and vice versa. Now, rather than disliking the thought of how much more unpredictability I’m about to welcome into my cute little comfort zone, I look forward to being challenged, stretched and made stronger through those things. Now, rather than thinking “I’m so scared of this,” by God’s grace, my thoughts sound more like, “I’m so excited for this adventure and I can’t wait to see how the Lord shows up.” If we can trust Him with our salvation, we can certainly trust Him with our lives here on earth, come hell or high water. We trust Him because He is worthy and He is with us, and that is what I have to actively choose to fix my mind on.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7, NKJV
In summary, this is clearly something God knew I would need from day one, regardless of what I envisioned. And more importantly, Jonathan himself is exactly the man that God perfectly fashioned to be my counterpart: the rational to my emotional, the calm to my chaos, the adventure to my apprehension, the human sunshine I need, who prays with me and for me and makes me better all the time. I help him empathize, he helps me rationalize; he sees the best when I want to criticize; I calm him when he’s frustrated and he makes me laugh every time I need it. We are each other’s safe place to land and I could not be more grateful to start a whole new life with my best friend.
Jon and I have learned so much about what it means to more closely depend on God through the ups and downs of the past year and a half. The threads of His faithfulness to us are woven so deeply into our story that we cannot deny His hand in all of it, and we are so grateful for the way everything has unfolded. We give Him all the praise for redeeming the complexities of past decisions and bringing us back together. We believe He wants to use our marriage for His glory, and while we have no idea what that will look like, it is our greatest desire that our forever union reflects the steadfast love that He has for each one of us.
All I can say now is that the Lord’s handwriting is clearly so much more beautiful than mine, and for that reason I am so thankful to be living in
the story I didn’t write.
